Category Archives: prose

The Mask I forgot about

This morning when I woke up and looked myself in the mirror I saw something strange, I saw a guy with a smile on his face and he looked beautiful, he looked like a stranger.Everyday I look at myself and try to see what others do, every day I take a few seconds and do nothing but observe.Like an actor giving finishing touches to his makeup, like a deamon putting on his mask to blend in, because the second i walk out that door I am forced to be the person I’m not, sometimes even someone I completely despise.Not because I want to be, but because I have to be, and today I think i got so good at my act that it crept into my existance, I know who I am, but for a breif second i forgot who i was and in that second I saw nothing broken or damaged.Just a simple guy living his life, sometimes i wish life was as simple as that, sometimes I wish I didn’t have to pretend.I tried a few times but a gimps of my real face terrifed them maybe because people are afraid of what they cannot understand or they are so prisistant on their own ideas and beliefs that they don’t like anyone to think otherwise.Whatever it may be I know now that I have a mask on and I know i have to keep it there until the world around me is ready for what awaits beneath it…..


A lesson for all

During your whole lifetime you come across various situations, some you overcome and some give you important lessons.I always considered myself to be somewhat smarter than others, I used to think that I’m sitting in a room filled with ducks, surrounded by people who don’t look at things through more than one prespective.But later as I grew I realised that the world is filled with people much more smarter than I am and those whome I once considered shallow gave out attributes of vast depth and intelligence far greater than my comprehension.As I learnt I grew and the more I grew the smaller I became because now when I look around myself I see not people but machines, performing better faster and more efficiently than I ever could.
One thing that still illudes me is that how can something so greater than me lack in the basic of all concepts, the concept of understanding, not just the tasks and commands they are supposed to do but the one thing that made us humans, a thing called curiosity.People are always usually curious over the whos, whats, whens and wheres but they don’t seem to care about the whys.why is that guy sitting alone in the corner??, why is she always so angry?, why is the world loosing humanity?…The only simple answer is that its because we don’t care about the whys anymore…someone may have yelled at you today but maybe its because they are sad over loosing a loved one and are emotionally unstable or when someone bully’s you maybe its because he was bullied by life…I’ve been bullied all my life and the one thing I saw in each bully’s eyes was sorrow, all of them, no matter how strong, fierce or aggressive, were sad over something, and in their weakest moments they turned towards aggression…this is what my life taught me, that if I’m curious enough about the why, the what won’t bother me anymore….

Run Away

Sometimes i feel like there’s nowhere i belong,no one i can turn to,no one to love….i just feel like that wherever i see i look at strangers,complete and utter strangers,in my family,in my friends and sometimes even in the ones i turn to for help.I feel like there’s nowhere i belong and that just makes me feel like i should tum away and just leave everything behind…
Although the idea of running away may come as cowardly to some and most will deem it foolish…but try looking at it through me…Whenever i think of running away i don’t look towards a life of wealth and fame, i just need a small cottage in the middle of nowhere bits and pieces of food and nothing more than that…parhaps something i long for most is love…but love has strange ways to come to you….I’m just a small guy from a small town…i dream big but i don’t want big…all i want is to have the smallest of houses,the simplest of things and lots of love…
Although my life is a miss,my dreams perished,my goals shattered i don’t know whats keeping its my resposibilities holding me to the ground or my love towards the ones i cannot live without…whatever it may be,i find myself standing on a crossroad forced to make a choice i don’t want to…i wish i didn’t have to do that…i wish i could just run away….

The Black Sheep

Everytime i try to do something good,something far worse than i can ever imagine happens…everytime i find a tinge of happiness,sorrow sorrounds me like a pack of wolves,ruthless and ready as ever to tear me apart.I try my best to be a part of the heard but whatever i do it always turns out to be a huge mistake.I want to feel like all the others,i want to feel safe in this heard of humanity,but alas,i can’t.there is always going to be a target on my back because i am not like the others,its not my fault but there is nothing i can do to change it either…i just keep trying to blend in everyday…trying to be a white sheep but every now and then my gaze slips towards the puddle of tears,and there,lying on the floor is the reason for my abomination…my true colours..
I am not a white sheep,i never was but what they don’t understand is that under all these colours i am as much a sheep as they are…but these wolves the houl at the different more than all else,they pick them out and tear them apart until there is nothing left but emptiness…


After a Long break from sharing my experiences and bizarre stories….the weight of my thoughts was too much for me to bear alone so i am going to write anything and everything i can’t say otherwise.All of my inner wound are healed and all of my burdens are relieved.Maybe it’s the thoughts that kept on killing me from the inside or maybe it’s the fear of letting them out.Whatever the case maybe, i know one thing for sure….sharing your pain decreases it…