The door

I was working security in this abandoned building and as a part of my duty i had to do patrols of the entire premises. During my patrol everyday i’d come across this one locked door that opened to the back of the building from the first floor (probably the fire escape) and since there was a canal flowing at the back of the building, I never saw that section. Every time i walked passed the door i’d imagine how spatular the view must be if i opened the door, i’d be at a height looking down at the canal and the boats in it. I created this amazing scene where a cool breeze would sweep through me as i open the door and the sun would shine from the side while the water would shine and the boats ripple through its surface. I would look down and see all that and the unobstructed view of the park across the canal, the lush green grass and people going about their business while i stood there in the cool summer breeze. One thing that stopped me every time was the thought that by opening the door I would be misusing my authority as a security officer who’s be handed the keys to the entire building FOR ITS PROTECTION, not to open doors for my own personal agenda. Besides, what if the view isn’t as spatular as I’ve dreamt in my head, what if by opening the door i’m destroying a perfectly good memory i’ve so meticulously crafted over the past few months going past the door. Every time i’d walk past the door the same battle would erupt in my mind and every time i’d decide to not open it since it was an irresponsible thing to do, I might open the door and cause some damage to the property, or somebody see’s me and reports to the company and get me fired. Over time the door remained closed and before i knew it summer was gone, it was winter now and the site’s contract had expired. I never got to see the view i wanted but maybe I preserved a happy memory, i’ll never know and the worst part is that no one can ever know because that building was set to be demolished and a foot bridge was created in its place, across the same canal. Now people will walk on the footbridge for years but no one will ever know how the view would’ve been from the 2nd story of the same spot. Thats how I imagine life to be, we can look at things as they are or we can choose to ignore reality completely and keep looking at things as we want them to be. People may think It was stupid of me to miss out on the chance when i had it just because of the improbable and minuscule risks it held, and because of some imaginary boundaries i created for myself, but is that too different from what people do everyday? Everyday, I see people ignore the true nature and reality of life just because they are too afraid to see what they might find if they start looking for it, instead they create their own reality and choose to confine themselves within it until the day they die.

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